You probably associate masturbation with some quality me-time—as you should. Getting in touch with your body feels pretty dang awesome. But masturbation can also be a super fun and sexy thing to share with someone too. “The goal of mutual masturbation is totally up you. You may choose to masturbate to orgasm, or just long enough to show your partner what you like,” according to sex educator Jenny Block. “Like any other sex act, mutual masturbation is about what works for the two of you.”
Not sure where to begin? Try testing the waters with phone or video chats when you’re apart. “Doing it virtually can be less intimidating than doing it in person,” explains Block. She wrote all about the ways you can enjoy a little self-play in her book The Ultimate Guide to Solo Sex: All You Need to Know About Masturbation. Below is an excerpt with her five best reasons you should try mutual masturbation.
1. To reach a new level of intimacy
Because masturbation is a solo act and because there has been so much shame built around it, masturbating with your partner can really bring you together. It says, “I’m not ashamed of being a sexual person, and I’m not ashamed that you are, either.” That’s the kind of intimacy that can lead to mind-blowing partnered sex. Masturbating for one another is the ultimate in sexual acceptance.
2. To mix things up
Let’s face it. The longer you’re together, the more stale things can become. Masturbating together can be a fun activity to throw into your regular repertoire. You can do it in the bedroom, the bathroom, even the kitchen or the living room. You can wear sexy lingerie or go au naturel. You can set a whole romantic scene or simply surprise your partner with the idea. Keeping things fresh in the bedroom is key to keeping your relationship alive and kicking.
3. To create a new twist on the quickie
No one knows how to get you off like you. Watching your partner take care of herself or himself is like having your very own live sex show. Plus, it can be an excellent way to get you revved up for later, when you both have time for a much longer play session.
4. To allow you to see that it really doesn’t necessarily take women longer to come
Women don’t actually take longer than men to come if you’re talking about going from totally unaroused to orgasm. The issue is more that the usual prescribed activities don’t really lead to female orgasm, or take a lot more time to get there. Masturbating together can be the perfect tool for explaining this and a great way to show a male partner that when the right things are done to the right places on your body, you are just as likely as he is to get to the finish line in no time.
5. To reduce the stigma of masturbation in your relationship
Once you masturbate together, it’s less likely that you will harbor any ill will toward your partner about masturbating when you’re not around. It’s really important to see one another as humans with wants and needs and desires. And sharing that together can take the mystery out of it for when you’re apart. Masturbation isn’t about not wanting your partner; it’s about taking care of yourself in one of the many ways we should be caring for ourselves every day.
The Ultimate Guide to Solo Sex: All You Need to Know About Masturbation by Jenny Block was published by Cleis Press and is available wherever print and digital books are sold.